Healing is an ongoing process. 

Every time Jesus heals a new area of my heart, I see it reflected in the arena. 

Horses are mirrors. My horse is a testament to my own inner healing journey.

For my entire life I struggled with anxiety and insomnia. It was so ingrained in me that I barely recognized it as a problem anymore. It was a part of my identity that I had adapted to and arranged my life around. It held me back from so many relationships and opportunities (and I wasn’t even aware of that.)

I also didn’t see it as a problem that could be fixed. It was ingrained in me generationally – “just the way I was wired”.

But God can do anything.

Marengo also had severe anxiety before I ever met him. We were quite the pair.

I was a skilled enough rider that his spooking and bolting across the arena didn’t unseat me, but it did trigger my anxiety enough to make me reactive and controlling. This became an endless stress loop between horse and rider.

The Lord taught me that I had to surrender control and self-sufficiency for healing to take place.

The scariest thing you can do on a horse who bolts is to take off the bridle – but that’s exactly what I had to do.

I also had to surrender my isolation and walled-off emotions, and be willing to accept the help of the church in my healing. As he does, God provided the safest and most loving group of people beyond what I imagined. 

I’ve been seeking my own healing as well as how to help others for quite awhile now. God has placed me right into a community with a deep understanding of how to love, heal, and equip. I have never met anyone like them before. I am wildly undone.

He placed in my life a friend and mentor who has incredible faith and anointing (and she even rides horses!)

Led by the Holy Spirit, she has helped me see woundings, inner beliefs, and spiritual attachments that have held me back for most of my life. 

I actually sleep now and wake up feeling rested. For anyone who has had insomnia, you know how huge that is! 

I am able to worship more deeply and I have more desire for prayer and learning than I ever have before. I feel like I just got leveled up!

I also had tendinitis in my elbow that was holding me back from even riding two handed for the past five months. After one of my inner healing prayer sessions, the pain disappeared overnight.

ANYTHING is possible when you seek Him! He never fails. He has better plans for me in every season than what I could ever dream up on my own. He continues to peel back layers of me, and I’m quite sure this is just the beginning.

Healing reflects in all areas of life. While my trauma mostly affected my human relationships, everything that you carry emotionally and spiritually WILL be noticed by your horse. They are often more sensitive than we are.

As I become more healed, Marengo becomes more trusting. Cantering bridleless in the outdoor arena was unimaginable a year ago, but now we do that.

Today Marengo fell asleep near the end of our training session. He’s known how to lie down on a cue for 3 years, but this was different. With worship music playing, we both fell into a deeply relaxed state of peace and gratitude.